Where have I been lately?
So I have been meaning to write this post for awhile. These past 2 months have been nothing short of chaotic, stressful and crazy. I would like to be able to say that I’ve been happy and healthy. But unfortunately, it has been a very difficult time for me and my family. Like any autoimmune disease, there is only so much one can do to control it. For me, Crohn’s disease has become my worst enemy. Believe me, I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness has caused more harm than good.
Back in May, my husband and I did some travelling and between the anxiety of leaving my kids and unsure of how “kosher” my meals were going to be, I started to become symptomatic even before our trip. I was determined to get the disease under control by managing my stress and being extra vigilant about what I was eating. However, things progressed quickly and I was admitted to the hospital the first week of June. The disease had spiraled out of control quickly and I was in a great deal of pain, weak and unable to care for my own kids. It took an entire week of IV fluids, antibiotics, and steroids to stabilize me. I had lost nearly 15 lbs. I felt very defeated and that all my efforts had gone down the drain. During my hospital stay, I celebrated my 7th wedding anniversary and my 27th birthday in a tiny room without a window. Talk about depressing!
After a week, I was discharged. Once home, I started to return back to my daily routine, with alot of help from family and good friends. The toughest part in recovery, is getting proper rest. The steroids give me major insomnia and make me the moodiest person ever. If you have ever been on them, then you know what I am talking about…. So I was doing well for a few weeks, and then things started to flare up, again. My GI ordered an emergency CT scan to make sure things were ok. So I went into the night time care center, drank the prep and got scanned. Well, the tech failed to tell me that he mixed my prep with ginger ale! My body completely freaked out and needless to say, sent my overboard. (I haven’t drank soda or had sugar in the past 2 years!)Within two days, I ended up back in the hospital. To make matters worse, there were errors made, and my CT scan was un-readable.
Round two at the hospital, just 6 weeks after my last stay. I felt completely and utterly depressed. Why can’t I just get this thing under control!!! However, this time I became more hopeful. They switched up my medicine doses and after 4 days, I was ready to go home. Alot of this disease is dealing with it mentally just as much physically. Since being discharged 12 days ago, I have been determined to overcome this battle. I figured out that it is a control issue for me. And I can’t control this disease. So, I have given it up to God- I have surrendered complete control to Him. Whether He will completely heal and restore my body. Or give me the strength to pull thru and manage my life with this disease. Either way, by pressing into Him, I WILL get thru this. I am not going to give up.
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25
Cast all your anxiety on God because he cares for you. I Peter 5:7
That week in the hospital was very eye opening and I came to the conclusion that medicine is not the root of all evil. It saves lives… it had saved mine. I struggle with my desire to stay natural and trusting in God for healing while at the same time appreciating the technology and advanced medicine of today’s world. I’m only 27, so the idea of being on medicine for the next 60 years is frightening. It is my goal once back in complete remission, to work with my GI and taper back off of the medicine. I still haven’t changed a single thing about my diet and I plan to continue to eat a diet full of whole, real foods. Becoming more knowledgeable about food and where it comes from has been one of the best things I could have done for my family. I feel so much better about my children’s health and their future.
So this is why I haven’t been posting lately. This blog is still very important to me, but has been put on the backburner for a bit while I fully recover. I love cooking and sharing my recipes! It gives me great joy to be in the kitchen :) I truly appreciate all of the comments and emails, your feedback is very important to me and gives me the fuel to keep up with this blog. My hope is that you will be encouraged if you are facing similar battles in your life. Don’t give up. There is hope.
Michelle
ps. I was able to enjoy some of my summer vacation in between the two flare ups – a wonderful beach trip with my family and we also celebrated my daughter Juliette’s first birthday!
7 of the 9 grandkids at the beach!
Juliette enjoying her first piece of cake and a chocolate covered strawberry!
Needless to say, she loves chocolate just as much as her mama :P
Hi Michelle! I’ve been following Marissa’s updates on you and I’m glad you are better. I can’t imagine going thru it all and with kids! Hoping and praying for you to stay healthy and stress free!
I Love You!! and your strength. Thank you for sharing your blog and your life with me. I know God is working in you and through you. Much Love and keep in His uplifting hands.
I’m glad you are on the road to recovery. I have struggled for many years with intestinal disorders to the point where the last GI essentially said he had no idea what to tell me. I feel for you. The lack of control is absolutely the most frustrating part of any illness. You will be in my prayers.
through it all Michele you continue to be an inspiration to all who know you AND look beautiful at the same time….Praying for getting this under control…
Michele,
I am so touched by your recent blog and your remarkable faith! I don’t know if this information will help you, but I pray it does. Check out http://www.glutenfreesociety.org
After almost a year of being sick, going to specialists etc. with no real diagnosis I found a wonderful Dr. that immediately took me off ALL grains and I am absolutely beginning to notice a difference! This web site has a wealth of research and information.
God’s blessings on you and your beautiful family!
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my glorious right hand.”
Michele,
I just saw where you have this website already posted. Sorry, didn’t see it:-)
Michele,
I’ve just started following your blog but I have compassion for you and your struggle with Crohn’s. My son, also 27 has it and has been through a pretty rough couple of years trying to get it stabilized.
Luckily he has avoided any hospital stays and has been on Remicade infusions for a couple of years now. It seems to help along with regular visits to a naturopath, some great supplements that compliment his medical treatment and a healthy diet.
My thoughts and prayers are with you that you will heal both physically and emotionally from all of this.
Giving it up to God and letting go of control is probably the best medicine!
You have a beautiful family!
P.S. Chocolate is where it’s at!!!!
So glad you posted this. You sound like you’re in the best possible mental place you could be and I am so grateful that your faith (and your own inner strength) have gotten you here. I deal with so much less and I still find it burdensome so to hear you speak with such resilience is encouraging to me. xo
P.S. Can’t wait to come over again soon to be a tester ;)
Hi Michelle,
I have been following your blog since last fall. Thank you so much for your wonderful recipes. I was diagnosed with crohns in Dec. 09 and changed my diet for myself and family that day. We have 6 kids, they all love every recipe of yours that I have tried! So thank you! I thought you may be sick when you were not posting because I have been dealing with flair ups since May also. I was feeling great, and in the beginning of May thought that I didn’t need my medicine anymore. Went off of it, within 2 weeks I was feeling absolutely miserable. It is hard to think you might have to be on medicine always
especially when you are doing things right on the eating end. Even though I have been back on medicine, I have been struggling with bad days that last for a couple days to a week, to a good week. I am grateful for all of my children, they keep me going so I usually don’t have time to dwell on not feeling good. I know it will get better for you!
Hi !
Thanks for being honest about what you are going through. We are on SCD because our son is on the autism spectrum, but I have had seasons of illness and relate with how you feel. It is particularly hard to feel like you cannot care for your kids. Please put your health first and them second and us third! =) I’m happy to read whatever you post in your free time.
By Grace,
Kimberly overseas in Africa
Dear Michelle,
Everytime I fix a meal I proclaim, “Michelle fixed this!”. When I read of your struggle my heart went out to you. When I read of your faith, I was encouraged. When you said the word, “Surrendered” I knew we were kindred spirits! I learn this very lesson not too long ago and it’s changed my whole existence into a much more joyful and healthy one. It is Christ in us who does the work, surrending to Him and His desire for our life will bring us satisfaction no matter what condition we are in. May he continue to heal you and bring you wisdom in this process. May he bless you in your obedience to Him. Melissa
Michelle – I have been following your blog and using your recipes for at least 6 months…maybe closer to a year. Thank you for sharing your heart, where you’ve been and your faith. I pray the Lord blesses you and your family – and that you will heal and be healthy for your beautiful family and for you! Thank you for your amazing recipes! I can now make cookies(among other things) that don’t make me sick!! :)
Definitely encouraged after reading this.